Energy for Life:
A Column About Essentials
By Cyndi Dale
March Toward Happy Endings
Spiritual energies are threaded through the air, forces that we can use or ignore. March presents us with a unique spiritual energy, one that we could all “happy endings.”
Before you take out the whiz-blowers and celebrate, let’s figure out what it means to have a “happy ending.” We’re all acquainted with the fairy tale version. For a man, a satisfactory conclusion involves charging relentlessly about on a white steed until you find the fair maiden whose father rewards you the kingdom after you’ve rescued her from a vile dragon. For a woman, the magical endpoint paints you as said-maiden (with great hair and an even better dress) being liberated by said-knight, who then runs your kingdom (hmmm, a problem in the plot-line here) while you watch the kids.
What the storytellers never tell you is how the prince now copes with the spoiled brat-bride, the interfering father-in-law, and a kingdom with cleared-out coffers. As for the princess? Here, the tale-makers cheat us even further, for they don’t even tell us teh whole story. The truth is that our fair maiden was so bored by a fire-bearing beast that she bested him herself, donned her ever-ready sweatpants and tennis shoes, and set off for her own adventures, only to stumble into the knight who saw an opportunity for advancement. And do you think Aesop or Hans provided her a manual for what came next? (And none of our masters foretold the mysteries of same-sex attraction, for that matter.)
Maybe we need a new definition—and understanding—of a happy ending, for which we’ll look to the modern fairy tale spinners, Hollywood writers.
The movie “Atonement” has recently been nominated for several Academy Awards. It’s certainly a striking show, in terms of acting and cinematography, but perhaps most for its central theme, which concerns happy endings.
(Note—don’t read this if you don’t want to know the end of the movie!) In the movie, two lovers are sabotaged by the lie of a little girl. Now the movie begins to unravel and reweave, shifting drama around time and space. Essentially, we discover that the little girl is now an elderly author and has been relaying the movie. In reality, she never made amends and the two lovers die. In her book, she atones and the two lovers are reunited. Though she is showing the “truth” in the movie, she is lying in the book, asserting that this fabrication creates a reality for the two lovers to dwell in forever.
At any given point, there are dozens if not thousands of potential endings serving as conclusions to our current actions. In this moment, you are living and ending started yesterday—and a million yesterdays ago. A beginning is an ending, and each beginning starts a new ending. What constitutes a “happy ending,” however? Can it be make-believe? Can you remain in a bad marriage, drink yourself to sleep every night, think poisonous thoughts about other people, and just pretend that you’re happy—or that some day, you will be happy? A lie is a lie, even if we convince ourselves of it.
I’ve met many clients who are startled to discover that I don’t insist they remain in an abusive situation “just for the kids,” or who are amazed to here that their spouse, perhaps an alcoholic who cheats sexually, isn’t going to be the one to end the relationship. I’ve had clients get angry because I can’t perceive an end to an illness resulting from years of addictive behavior and emotional repression. Happy endings inevitably result from paying attention to the integrity of our current decisions. If we live respectfully—making decisions that are respectful for our true selves and for others, we make choices that sooner or later result in happiness.
The path to happy endings isn’t always a happy one. What if the little girl had told the truth, instead of lying? Maybe she would have had to deal with her own inner demons. Maybe she would have had to face authority figures that didn’t want to believe the real truth. Maybe she would have had to face her own fears! Being authentic isn’t without consequences. Every time we make a decision, we eliminate other paths—and we create new ones. And we take a risk, for we never really know where a decision will lead us, even those of use with foresight and insight. Hindsight is the only real judge of our decisions.
However, if we operate from truth—our true selves—we’ll always be happy with ourselves. There’s no guarantee we’ll have a “happy ending” ala the storybooks. If we’re just not into rescuing maidens in distress, we might never inherit a duchy. But maybe we’ll partner with a terrific person and, spared the trappings of regality, have a more carefree life. Maybe we’re a little too smart to sit around a glass mountain all day awaiting a prince to ride up the slippery slopes. Then again, we might put our minds to use and start a glass factory that earns us millions. Happy endings derive from satisfaction with our choices. In March, take advantage of the opportunities facing you. Don’t ask yourself what someone else would do. Don’t look too far down the road. Ask yourself—what makes sense in this moment? What reflects the “true you” in this second? That’s the answer that will forge happiness.
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